Ahhh… the holiday season. Time to rejoice. Or, in some cases, time for idiots to do anything but rejoice. Gap’s new holiday ad, that appears to be all-inclusive, multi-cultural, and festively tolerant towards all, is under fire from the always hypocritical Christian community.

The ad, which joyously celebrates along with just about anyone who celebrates… anything, proclaims, “Go Christmas, Go Hanukkah, Go Kwanzaa, Go Solstice.” Now, I’m trying to see all sides here, and trying (hard) to look at this objectively, and not merely as an educated, rational person. In other words, I’m really putting an effort to wrap my head around the fanatic hatred that the religious right has for… well… everyone. But still, keeping in mind all they preach, I cannot figure out why an ad that discriminates against no one bothers them so much. But then again, perhaps I have my answer right there. After all, when stripped of the opportunity to criticize, hate, preach to and condemn someone, or something, what would their purpose be.

So in response to the American Family Association’s call for a boycott against Gap, I have a pledge of my own. A boycott against the AFA. Which, coincidentally, will require me to change absolutely nothing about my actions of feelings.

Everyone knows someone who won’t bother to vote. Get them to the polls. The only way we’ll get the Senator we ALL want is if we all vote.

(Click)

We have a special election coming up in Massachusetts. This isn’t something to skip folks. Teddy Kennedy’s seat hasn’t been up in a lot of our lifetimes. For the people who read this blog… for any of our lifetimes.

If you’re gonna vote… grab a friend. Have a party. Get a group together and make a party of it. If you care enough to vote, then care enough to get someone else to vote.

The Honda campaign, which I am loving more everyday, has impressed yet again. today I watched some of the Honda stories online, and they are so completely honest and real. I wish some people I knew were part of it. I remember when my sister bought her current Civic, she got it without floormats to save, like, $100. So I bought her a set for Christmas, because no floormats is just ridiculous. I think she’s got well over 100K miles now. The car is going strong and floormats still look decent. This is such an awesome campaign.

I hate stories like this. Three Americans, hiking in Iraq, wandered over the Iranian border, and are now in one of the worlds most f*cked up countries, facing unjustified jail time for having done nothing. Oh… except one thing: Being off-the-wall, batshit crazy enough to be hiking in Iraq in the middle of a freakin’ war! Clearly, these are innocent people. Clearly, they are not guilty of espionage. Clearly Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is far more batshit crazy than these three hikers. But this sort of situation really does beg the question, What were you thinking? Does it suck that parts of this world are simply off limits? Sure. Does anyone like to stifle the adventurous spirit of others? No. But should any Americans be prancing around the Iraqi or Iranian countryside taking in the sights? Christ, no. Wrong place, wrong time? Absolutely. But wrong place is something easily controlled. I wish the best for these folks — and I hope anyone else thinking of taking a walkabout in Iraq will think twice. Or, hell, think ONCE.

Just saw my first bit of a new Honda campaign that I love. It was rich media on CNN.com, and it was people saying a person they know, who loves their Honda. The tag, not surprisingly, is “Everybody knows somebody who loves their Honda.”

This is brilliant… because it’s 100% true. My sister’s first Honda was 10+ years ago. I think she’s on her third, but I’m not quite sure. After she’s done with her current Honda, there will be another, no doubt.

I’ve loved this kind of advertising for my entire career. And, I’ve aspired to do it, despite the obstacles of clients having differing views. Finding an inarguable truth in your brand is clearly the best way to sell it. And in Honda’s case, everybody does indeed know somebody who loves a Honda.

Well done.

I really don’t understand conservatives. They’re so desperate to find fault in Obama for… anything… that they’re grasping at straws. Now, it’s being called a “tragedy” that he’s not going to Germany to celebrate the fall of the Berlin Wall.

Ummm…. So. Fucking. What.

Considering the fact that anytime the President travels anywhere it costs the taxpayers about $50,000 per hour (yes, per HOUR), I have absolutely no problem with him not attending. 10+% unemployment — he’s got shit to do here.

Let’s make sure we’re all on the same page here. The internet is great, right? Not just because we can find - intentionally or not — endless amounts of free porn, discount Viagra from India, and yet another way to make up to $5000 a week in our spare time from the comforts of our Snuggies, but because we can talk to everyone, all the time, for free.

We can be “friends” with people who used to beat us up in high school, we can relentlessly stalk ex-lovers in relative anonymity, and we can find an audience with total strangers that we may never meet. After all, you’re reading this, aren’t you?

But in the marketing world, the internet has given us the greatest gift of all: Time. In the glorious, envied, and certainly gone days of Mad Men, marketers relied on newspaper ads that ended up lining birdcages, TV commercials viewed briefly only by those with TVs, and radio ads on an am dial. We had a few brief moments between AP stories, and 30 second moments to engage, capture and sell. Today, we have all the time in the world. What the internet has given us is the opportunity to not just capture people’s attention for thirty seconds, but to hold their attention for as long as we’re capable.

That’s awesome. But it’s also an awesome challenge. To capture attention, and keep it, isn’t as easy as it looks. There are, of course, easy ways to do it. Endless dick jokes http://www.durexdickorations.com/, creepy chickens wearing garters http://www.bk.com/en/us/campaigns/subservient-chicken.html, or the ultimate in voyeuristic satisfaction http://archive.bigspaceship.com/hbovoyeur/. All of these examples are great. They took a lot of work and creativity. And some, at least, cost a fortune.

But what if we have to sell allergy medecine, and we’re given a blank page, and all the time in the world. How do we engage, and entertain while sharing all the pertinent, necessary and legally required information? It’s a challenge, but certainly not one that’s insurmountable. I’ve always had one sustaining belief that has gotten me through the dark hours of this business. That belief is that if you have to say it, say it well.

Years ago, back in the golden age of Mad Men, Leo Burnett said, “Too many ads that try not to go over the reader’s head end up beneath his notice.” I don’t think truer words have been spoken about our industry. The audience is not stupid. I’ve had creative directors who told me the audience is most certainly stupid. I’ve had clients insist it. But the fact of the matter is, the audience is not stupid. The audience is brilliant. Or, at the very least, the audience is well trained. At the task of receiving and processing commercial messages, the audience — every member — has a friggin’ PhD. Throughout advertising history we’ve had the responsibility to capture attention. For thirty seconds, for one minute, for a few moments on the pages of a magazine. But today, we have to capture, hold, and reward that attention. I’d argue that we’ll never do so by talking down to the people who we need so much. And we don’t need dick jokes or screaming or gimmicks. We need to say it well, and say it truthfully.

Leo Burnett also said, “I have learned that it is far easier to write a speech about good advertising than it is to write a good ad.” So with that, I’ll end this lecture and write some ads. After all, there’s nothing honest about hypocrisy.

We could all stand to be this cool.

GQ’s 50 Most Stylish men of the past 50 years.

I love that Michael Caine and Woody Allen are on this list.

http://www.gq.com/how-to/fashion/200709/cary-grant-paul-newman-andre-3000-george-clooney-slideshow#slide=1

You should be watching this TV show.

While we’re on the subject, and anyone who knows me knows how pissed I am that stupid Americans are the reason According to Jim stays on the air, and Arrested Development doesn’t, here’s a list of shows anyone worth talking to is watching:

Californication. Dexter. Entourage. Mad Men. Breaking Bad. Modern Marvels on History Channel — fucking learn something already. Anything on Discovery. (notice, not a single one is network TV)

Notable Network shows (passing grades for good writing, good acting, contemporary content): Two and a Half Men. Modern Family. Big Bang Theory. How I Met Your Mother.

Shows that indicate you should immediately enter into a suicide pact with someone: America’s Next ______. Anything on MTV featuring ‘real’ people anywhere in California.

Randy Olson’s new book, Don’t be such a scientist: Talking substance in an age of style, is a read that should be on the gift list of every ad agency client in the country. Dr. Olson’s premise, broken down to a single though for the purposes of this blog, is simple: Just because you find it utterly fascinating, doesn’t mean that everyone does. Putting forth scientific argument is no easy task. But what far too many scientists don’t realize is that science, while complex in the details, is rather simple looked at in broad strokes. Easy to understand… interesting, even.

Unfortunately, most scientists know the chemistry, not the story-telling. Perhaps they should take a lesson from Einstein. When asked to explain the theory of relativity he replied with a smile (or so I assume), “Put your hand on a hot stove for a second and it feels like an hour. But sit next to a pretty girl for an hour, and it feels like a second. That’s relativity.” Perfect. Brilliant. Genius, even. More or less the entire premise behind the theory of relativity explained in a way that a 6th grader could understand.

As the son of a scientist, Dr. Olson’s book certainly strikes a cord with me personally. But the message applies perfectly to another business that also hits close to home. Advertising. Instead of a scientist… we have clients. But they suffer from the exact same ailments. They know their brand, product, service, etc better than anyone, and as a result they are completely incapable of saying anything about with any style whatsoever. Perhaps that’s good. Perhaps that’s why I’m in business. Our clients hire us to talk about their brand in ways they can’t. And it applies to almost anything, but right now I’m reminded of it as I watch the political ads here in Massachusetts. Both a Mayoral race is underway, and a Democratic primary for Ted Kennedy’s seat. Political advertising is one of the biggest media buys on television. Last year $2.6 billion was spent on campaign media alone. But all of those ads, those hundreds of ads may as well have been just one. After all, do you remember a single one? I don’t. And remembering ads is my business. Political ads all have some cheesy b-roll of the candidate looking like a douche, as their unprofessional voice-over awkwardly dribbles out promises and catch phrases written by campaign managers and 21-year-old interns.

What these political candidates seem to be unwilling to learn, realize or accept is that advertising works, and good advertising works better. Imagine if one of these days someone put a little style into those political ads. I bet you we could get just about anyone elected, if we do it with finesse. Everyone just needs to think a little less like Einstein the scientis, and a little more like Einstein the poet.

Could it be real? Could this era of ballsy NYC-grown intelligently hilarious advertising be over? Is Cliff Freeman actually calling it quits? Pizza. Pizza?